When people ask me what spiritual direction is, I describe it as a sacred descent into deeper self-knowledge. It’s not about giving advice, solving problems, or fixing anyone. Instead, it’s about entering a space of holy listening. An offering of silence, attention, and care, where someone can listen more deeply to their own soul and to the movement of the sacred in their life.

Spiritual direction has ancient roots. From the desert mothers and fathers of early Christianity, to guides in Jewish, Sufi, Hindu, and Buddhist traditions, people have always sought companions who can help them discern meaning, listen for wisdom, and walk through dark nights of the soul. In its contemporary form, spiritual direction is usually an hour-long session once a month where a directee brings their questions, experiences, or struggles and is met with a compassionate presence. Tilden Edwards, a pioneer in the field, describes Spiritual Direction as for those: “who have a desire to go deeper and become freer in the life of their souls with God… In appreciating their uniqueness and the mystery of the Spirit’s ways with them, they realize they are always standing on a frontier.”

That sense of “standing on a frontier” is what draws me to this work. Life often brings us to thresholds, moments of breakdown or breakthrough, when we realize we can’t go back to what was, but we don’t yet know what is ahead. Spiritual direction is about walking with someone at that edge.

Diving Deep

I often use the metaphor of freediving to describe this practice. In freediving, a safety diver descends alongside you. Their role is not to swim for you or force you deeper, but to be capable of holding the depth with you, so that if you blackout or panic, you are not alone.

That’s how I see my role as a spiritual director. I’m not here to lead anyone where I haven’t gone myself. I’ve walked through existential crises, high-control groups, trauma, and deconstruction. As Elton John and Brandi Carlile sing in their recent song: “When you need someone to walk with in the dark, I have been there.”

Spiritual direction is not about pushing away what’s painful. As Keator and Watson put it: “It is not about sweeping things under the rug or denying their existence… It is not about looking away. No! Take the deep dive into the well and welcome all that is inside your heart”

Silence: The Language of the Soul

Silence is where the soul speaks. Keator and Watson write: “Silence is the language of the soul… Loud and turbulent thoughts crash like waves inside us, but we have the capacity to quiet the waters within and enter the peaceful abyss”. Our minds often feel like stormy oceans, but when we dive beneath the surface, we find stillness.

This is why silence is so central in spiritual direction. It isn’t empty or awkward. It’s an invitation. James Miller describes it as “a welcoming quietness” that asks, “Do you wish to go deeper? I will go with you.”

Me in Kona, Hawaii, diving down to 100 feet with the help of my safety diver.

Attention: Holy Listening

Spiritual direction is also about attention. Bobbi Breitman describes holy listening as “listening with such attentiveness and immediacy that a person who once felt silenced or invisible is enabled to emerge into who she could be and become”.

As a director, I listen for more than words. I listen for moments of awe, of anger at injustice, of piercing insight, of presence or aliveness. I listen for how a person images and experiences the Divine, in whatever language is true for them. This kind of listening helps people reclaim their own voice, especially those who have been silenced by purity culture, patriarchal religion, or trauma.

Care: Offering Tools for the Journey

Finally, there is care. Care doesn’t mean having answers. It means offering tools, rituals, and practices that help people find meaning and create rhythm in their lives. Brittany Hartley, an atheist spiritual director, talks about how important this is for those who have left high-demand religion. Simple rituals, marking seasons, cultivating awe, exploring intuitive practices like dreamwork or tarot, all of these can help us reconnect with what is sacred.

Care means creating a container spacious enough to hold both truth-seeking and uncertainty.

Having fun helping each other meet new depths.

Who I Dive With

I am especially drawn to what Hartley calls “void dwellers." These are people whose core value is truth-seeking, who found safety in logic or philosophy because life elsewhere was unsafe, and who feel stuck after deconstruction. These are people who long for something deeper than intellectual coping skills, something soulful, embodied, irrational, mysterious.

I have been there. And I believe that descent into mystery is not something anyone has to do alone.

Closing

For me, spiritual direction is about holding the container with presence and compassion, trusting that something happens simply because someone shows up. It is about creating a space where silence, attention, and care open a path to deeper self-knowledge and sacred connection.

If you are standing on a frontier, longing for something more, or simply wanting someone to walk with you in the dark... I have been there. Let’s dive in together!

Curious about my journey? Read more here or book a free intro call to explore whether spiritual direction is right for you.